Through the Grief:  A Mother's Journey

Through the Grief is an accounting of the early months in my journey through grief. It conveys some of the experiences and emotions associated with the tragic and untimely death of my eldest son. It reflects how the loss of my son weaved through all aspects of my life and how the journey was a process that continuously presented opportunities to heal. As through denotes "one side and out the other", this is my soul's voyage and how I learned to move through the grief and begin moving forward with my life.  From my heart to yours, blessings on your journey. 

an excerpt from the first chapter
the first two weeks

SGT Tyrell Seth Williams, USMC 
25 December 1976 - 11 February 2008

In many ways, this was the easiest part of the journey.  As Tyrell’s death was sudden, there was an enormous amount of preparation and a multitude of decisions to make; and all was to be accomplished in a very short time.  The sheer magnitude of tasks propelled me forward and kept me in motion.  I could focus on the immediate task at hand and this was often a shield to the tremendous pain that was rotting my soul.  Most importantly, my focus was on how I could best honor my son.  What I did during these next few weeks would remain with me for the rest of my life.  As honoring my son was the most important thing to me, this spurred me on.  It became the driving force of my immediate existence. 
 
After I received the call, I was paralyzed for a period of time.  I could not align my thoughts and my emotions.  There was a part of me that could not believe this was true, that did not want to believe it was true.  I called Tyrell’s cell and it went to voicemail.  This did not convince me, however, and my mind struggled to find a way to prove that my son was not dead; that a terrible mistake had been made.
 
As I pondered the possibilities of how I could end this nightmare and find my son alive and well, it occurred to me that I needed to call my manager.  It was early afternoon on a Tuesday and the day had begun as a typical workday.  I can only imagine what it was like for her to receive the call.  I was on the verge of hysteria, my sentences were choppy and my voice warbled uncontrollably.  I found it difficult to breathe...

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Grief and Loss an Unprecedented Opportunity

Published on 11 February 2016 - LinkedIn

In Loving Memory of my first-born son SGT Tyrell Seth Williams, USMC

8 years ago today my life forever changed. I am not the first mother who buried a child; nor, unfortunately, will I be the last. I have walked the ‘dark night of the soul' and through this journey I have changed. Early in the grief process I encountered a quote from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. “In the final analysis, the questions of why bad things happen to good people transmutes itself into some very different questions, no longer asking why something happened, but asking how we will respond, what we intend to do now that it happened.” As I pondered the words, I made a decision; I would heal. And my journey began although I would never have imagined the twists, turns, forks and switchbacks that would emerge.

The grief process affects us emotionally, physically, cognitively, socially and spiritually. Yet in this process lies an opportunity to take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and choices. As the waves of grief ebb and flow, our journey affords us time to go within and reflect on what we believe; how our perceptions may distort reality; how our choices can reflect intention that is not in our highest good; how perhaps our feelings of happiness have drifted to our outer world; how we may have lost sight of life’s magic and the magnificent beauty that is within us and all around us.  Are we true to ourself?  Are we congruent
in our thoughts, words, feelings and choices?  Are we consciously creating or unconsciously reacting? Are we embracing and taking ownership of our life?​​

Grief and loss is part of the human experience and throughout our lives we may experience a myriad of losses of varying degrees. Regardless of the nature of the loss, if you are like me and have experienced a loss so profound that your inner and outer world appeared to shatter in a thousand pieces, I offer you to consider…

This is an opportunity to go deep within and discover who you truly are. This is an opportunity to explore what truly matters. This is an opportunity to experience the power and the healing nature of love. And it begins with you. You matter. You are worthy of passionately living an abundant life. You are far more courageous than you ever imagined and your inner strength is far greater than you dreamed possible. Be open to the changes and receptive to miracles that flow to you. Stay the course. Stay true to yourself. Embrace the beautiful, divine being within. Breathe deeply.  Appreciate.  And as you travel your path, may love always fill your heart and light your way.  Blessings for a beautiful journey...
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